Miss

Once in a while i fall into this melancholy mood, and i start thinking about the past. Strange how when one gets something good for a change, and you think you are happy, when suddenly you get a yearning for something in the past. I am happy now, with a good timetable, and absolutely fabulous subjects. Yet something afflicts me. I am lonely. Not in the BF GF kind, and not for want of conversation. Yes, i have a housemate, but thats just the two of us. And Jon isn't particularly in the same wavelength as me. And internet conversations just get so superficial sometimes.

What i miss is my first year here in Aussie. I miss the camaraderie that only a gang could provide. I could honestly say those months where we had outings, late night chats, Safeway trips, card games, are one of the best times of my life. There is just something indescribable about having a regular group of friends you can go to, who are in the same building as you, and you can just look them up for no other reason other than you are lonely. No conversation is even required. Sometimes we just study together, even when it is different topics, different schools even, silently, but never lonely. I miss that sort of sanctuary you can retreat to, away for a while, from the new country, the new state of independance and responsibility i have been thrusted into.

Ever since i started biomed i have been rather lonely. Its like i haven't a stable gang of friends in uni or even back when i was in Trinity. The ones i consider my "true" friends are always domestic, and sadly, it holds true this year as well. The sad thing is that now my gang is no longer in close proximity. I am alone. Sometimes i can feel the loneliness, especially at lectures like genetics. I see people walking up the aisles, happy, chatting with their bunch, laughing, while i sit singularly on a spot, with a fake smile and pretend industriousness, sorting out my notes. I sometimes latch on to acquaintances, and some are even quite close. But the nature of their conversations are so different, so uninteresting(to me), that i cant join in, just give nods, make irrelevant comments, and feel like and outsider. And thus i leave. Ergo i am lonely. Sigh.