March is a month of merry making, birthdays and hotpots, housewarmings and cold puddings. Every week you hear the joyous tidings of another birthday, friends have reunions, old times are reminisced over cake, and wishes are made for a better future. So it may come as a surprise to some when i declare that i am fucking sick of it all. Nothing against those people whose date of birth lands on this month, but couldn't you all had gestated for another month or something? I am so broke now its no joke. At roughly 30 dollars per birthday (dinner + gifts), this is an expensive period. And of course, my birthday lies sometime before people come back, so no one celebrates mine. Oh the humanity.
After 4 birthday celebrations, with a fifth one coming up, it has come to my attention that parents have a lot of unprotected merry making in the months of January and June, leading to an unusual concentration of people celebrating birthdays in March and September. Yes, my dear peers, i am holding your parents accountable for my current state of impoverishment.
March was bad, but September promises to be even worse. If my memory serves true, last september i had 8-9 friends who had birthdays, which is almost twice as much as march. At this point in time maybe the smart thing to do is to save up and start severing off ties.
On another note, when would be the best time to have spawn-inducing sex then, if you were to be a parent? There are several things to consider. Firstly, you want maximum benefit per birthday. That would mean no holidays in the vicinity distracting people from spending money on your kid. We would also have to make pretty sure that your kid does not have to share birthdays with someone else. Secondly, you want a time where nobody is off for trips so they can claim absence. Our candidates:
January: Januaries suck. New year happens on january, and there will be the impending chinese new year (if you are chinese) and the inevitable school reopening to distract people. There will also be those rich bastards still holidaying somewhere in Honolulu. So don't have sex in April.
February: February is not as bad as january, but not perfect either. By now school is nearly in full swing, the assignments are out, and nobody gives a damn about birthdays. Plus its still new in the academic year and the new people don't know your kid that well to care about when he popped out of the oven. Use that condom on May.
March: March is the worst. Everyone's having birthdays. March is when people run screaming away for mercy when someone mentions birthdays. Moderate your fun on June, please, for the love of god.
April: April is when mid-semester exams are due, assignments are due, cocurricular activities are due, mentioning birthdays will just make the crowd go "diu!", so perhaps lets just talk about a movie for July?
May: Happy Semester exam. Nobody cares about your kid's birthdays. They will sooner look at an incredibly dry textbook first. Bad month. If you want to be a good parent then don't have unprotected sex in August.
June: This would normally make a good month, but june is when we get the semester break, and so a lot of people won't be around. Still, its pretty good. Go for it.
July: Whee school just started. People just came back from hols and are in a bad mood. Who cares about spending money on someone else? Your kid will get mediocre presents!
August: August, is, i believe, the perfect month for birthdays. Its the at the early middle stage of the second semester, people have somewhat accepted the realities of studies by now. There are no celebrations going on in august, and the monotony is quickly sinking in. A birthday now would cheer everyone up, and they'll thank your kid by spending on her/him lavishly. So pump up that chocolate, drink that tongkat ali, and have fun on November. Your kid will be thanking me for this 2 decades from now.
September: Septembers are worse than march. Septembers are the worst. Septembers blow. 50% of colleged age kids celebrate their birthdays on september. Why let yours be the sheep? Be original! Lay off that tiger whip soup for December.
October: The final year exam is coming next month. Assignments are due, like, NOW. Only 4 more weeks till the big one. Some will party to let off steam, but most won't. Not a good month overall.
November: wow, end of year exam. If your kid has friends that party at this time of the year it means s/he is in bad company.
December: December would have been perfect, if not for christmas. People will be sneaky and just combine both christmas and birthdays into one. Plus there are those rich bastards starting to leave for honolulu.
So in conclusion, August is the best time for your kid to have a birthday. November should be ideal to "make the beast with two backs", to quote Othello. Be a good parent. Give your kids the best birthdays you can. Do the right thing.
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7 comments:
very interesting take on birthdays. like you, i hate the thought of having to scrape the bottom of my account for some moolah. but the most annoying thing is group presents. the most shopping-obsessed one will almost always appoint herself (as it is normally, surprise surprise,a her) to go out to buy the group present, and in doing so realising that on-top-of-the-world feeling of spending so much money - an epitome of shopping surely - such that her fellow present sharers are faced with a debt that is more than they originally wanted to spend individually. This is how communism still exists. :P
did that just make no sense or what?!
august is a great month indeed, my best friend has hers in august and it's in summer, which is very important around here to be able to celebrate outside ^^
mine's in may, always very dependent on the weather but not really on university shtuff ^^
LOL THE BEST POST EVER BAHAHAHA :X
I just checked my social networking accounts - and it seems my congregation of birthdays starts from end August to September. I have a strong June as well...
@Gneake: Heh heh. It normally backfires when a chosen sharee decides to not share anymore. Works wonders.
@Sushi: Yeah haha. Our bday affairs are normally centered around uni.. sort of. Unless you want to do some birthday raggings, that is.
@Jiko: See? See?! September! My bane! *dies*
I have a simple solution to this: don't by presents for them and they won't buy presents for you, thus everyone saves money...
i'll keep your suggestions in mind, shoblast! Hehe.
And, i half agree that there should just be a no presents overall, sames money, saves time, saves energy, and saves brain power. But i more dread the prospect of finding that right present than receiving one :P
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